*You'll think of me..........

Sorry its been a while but I have been soooo busy with work; thankfully!

I recently did a 2 day shoot for the show Californication. I was in a stunt scene with my friend Lindsay who I went to NYFA with. It was cool because we got to be with the cast and work with them. I also go to be a photo double for one of the main girls in the show which gave me my first SAG voucher...and for those of you not in the business that is AWESOME! Every single actor you see on a show or a film is under the main union called Screen Actors Guild (SAG) and in order to be apart of it you need 3 SAG vouchers (which are really hard to get here) getting your first one is like a BIG thing...but you need 3 in order to be able to even join that union..so yayyy for me, I got one, 2 more to go! It also means you get paid at a higher rate...

Sometimes I go through my days ready to fall over...working 15 hour days is sooo hard and mentally exhausting...and sometimes I go home and just cry from being so tired and wonder what the HELL I'm even thinking wanting to be in this business..but the truth is, I CANNOT picture myself doing anything else...and even though of course Id like to be farther along in my career and be known, I have to look at the fact that Iv only been out of school since October and already Im in the television union and half way to the film union..not too bad I guess!

I go on set every single day and get to be around these actors, who I would do anything to be...to be in their place and have an actual role and get to say lines and work their craft everyday...but I know good things come in time...and someone recently said to me that I should judge my success by what I had to give up in order to get it....I never looked at it that way, but now that I am, it puts a small light at the end of this long tunnel..............

I know Iv said it a million times..but there has been so much I have given up for this dream...my home state of NY, being close to my family, being close to my dearest friends, Iv given up love relationships, iv given up alot, but here I am, still head over heels in love with it and working at it everyday with no regrets of anything I have given up for this.....and sometimes you just have to throw yourself into something without thinking about it, even if its the scariest thing youv ever done, throw yourself into the unknown, I SWEAR to you its the most exhilarating experience ever..and if you ever want to know who you really are, take yourself out of your comfort zone...I mean who ever said you always have to be comfortable and happy all the time...thats such bullshit. Since I have moved to Hollywood I have never been so sad, so scared, so in love, so inspired, so angry, so hurt, so free, so grown up, so irresponsible, so stoned, so drunk, so hurtful, so happy in my entire life.....

I'll keep everyone updated on the episode of Californication you can see me in. I think tomorrow I finally have a day off. That day will consist of me sleeping in (Well until tommy wakes up and moves around and wakes me up) head to Venice Beach and walk around with hubby and enjoy the cali weather....


Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it :)