Today I had to do one of the hardest things I have yet to ever do in my entire life.

I have NEVER in all my soon to be 25 years of life, have EVER been a fan of goodbyes. To me, there is nothing good about them. I usually at all costs avoid them or not make a big deal about them as a defense mechanism because deep down it stands as one of the most devastating situations to me.

However, today there was nothing that I could avoid about this goodbye. It had to be done, it had to be one of those sit downs and look at eachother in the face, and see the tears pouring out of his eyes, and my tears soaking his entire shirt. To me, I was in Hell..

I met him more then a year ago, last March to be exact. I love him in a way that I have never been able to love another person. We have gone through so much together and still for some strange reason are together and strong. We have spent every night together since this exact time last year and have been living together since March. I dont know how to function without him being here. For a year I come home at the end of the day knowing that I will see him, I go to bed with him next to me, I wake up with him next to me. All of his things are no longer in the room, instead there are empty spaces where his stuff was. The side of the closet where his hoodies hung are empty. The bathroom counter where all his stuff was is now empty. I am going to go to bed tonight alone and wake up tomorrow alone...Im sitting here in the house alone. I have never felt so alone in my entire life.

I knew this day was coming for a while, I tried to prepare for it, but nothing really can prepare you for it. It hurts like hell and I cant stop crying. But I keep thinking back to what Rina told me last year..that nothing worth anything comes easy. I support him 100% for finishing school and Im glad he is doing so, I just wish it didnt have to be this hard. The next 6 months will be the biggest test of my life, and the next how ever many days are going to be the hardest to adjust. Adjust to my life being the same way for a year and now all of the sudden it changing.

So today was rough...and I doubt tomorrow will be any easier. I feel empty..my room is empty, my heart feels empty. Of all the things I have ever had to do, this by far stands as one of the hardest.....Im about to go to bed alone and wake up with him not here...weird.