Well this has been a very draining month..I can for sure say that I was at my lowest point ever. I honestly did not want to up and leave California to go home but I am SO glad I did. Every single person that I saw while I was home in some way helped me become human again, even if I only saw you for a few seconds.
Sometimes you just need to be grounded again when you fall off track. As soon as I became human again I started to realize how CRAZY my relationship with him was. It was so unfair and and held me down in so many ways. Although I do love him, I can honestly say 100% that I am glad we are no longer together.
As if my life couldnt be ANY more similar to "New Moon" ..I went back home and it became even more like it...I know, I am insane and crazily obbsessed with the whole Twilight saga that I have to compare my life to it....but for so long I have been saying "I want my Jacob Black"...well...I got him in a very unexpected way and in a very unexpected person.....
It all occured to me when I woke up drenching wet full of sweat because the body next to me was burning hot to the touch. The really tall and masculin body, whos hands are twice the size of my face, the body who wrapped his one arm around my entire body and would let nothing happen to me even in his deepest sleep...the body who travels everyday with his "pack"..just like Jacob....how very strange..I guess be careful what you wish for????
Im so glad to finally be able to sleep through the night now and not wake up in the middle of the night screaming.. (yes, totally new moon, i told you my life is just like it!) Im glad to say the nightmares are over, and now I can hear myself laughing again...and its honestly all thanks to everyone from back home..friends and family..without you I would be completely lost...
The one thing I ALWAYS would be so angry about in my relationship was the fact that he use to make me feel like something was wrong with me just because I didnt hop on a plane every single month and visit home...made me feel like there was something wrong or I wasnt close with my family..but the truth is, you grow up and you have your own life..you visit when you can and it makes the time spent just that more special because it is rare that everyone is all together...I wouldnt have it any other way, and this trip proved that Im just as close with my family as anyone else claims to be...it also proves that friends CAN be family...another part in my relationship that he made me feel stupid for..telling me that friends cant be considered family and this and that...Im glad to say that all my friends that I spent my time with while I was home ARE my family, even if you arent blood....You all healed me...Thank you..
As for now.....Im letting go of the past because I know he wasnt right for me and my soul...Im taking my life back. :)
Everyone check out one of the many New Moon trailers...this one being my fav :) why is this my life???
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