What we hold so dear slips away

exactly a year ago..we were all high on life, graduated and had so many promising moments to look forward to..Not a care in the world..some of my favorite memories..Still in love with nyfa 08 and always will be <3



Everytime I think Im settled into a situation, it quickly changes...This time last year I was graduating NYFA, high on life, high on love. I remember it was this time last year when my parents came to my graduation here and we took off to visit my brother in Santa Cruz. I remember right before I left, I told Tommy that I loved him for the first time, it was the best feeling in the world. I thought "well this is it, this is the guy Im going to spend the rest of my life with, I will have children with this man"... My life is completely different just 12 months later...its just weird..

They say its suppose to get easier as time goes by. I suppose it has. In fact it def has, but it still dosent mean its easy. Every single day I am fighting a battle, put on a smile, because that is all I can really do, and mainly because I deserve to smile....

Im starting to grow anger towards many people lately, towards people I really care about it, but I cannot help it no matter how hard I try. I know that these people mean well and they are protecting me. However, their negative comments about the situation, or should I just come out and say, the negative comments towards him are really starting to piss me off. I still love him and I still consider him a big part of me despite all the drama we are going through.. I just want a little respect and people to realize that I am going to make whatever choice I want and you as my friends and family will just have to deal with it.

Lately I have realized that most of my life I have been so concerned with other peoples feelings that I have ignored mine. I am done with that. Dont get me wrong, I still very much care for other peoples feelings but its time to live my life the way I want to. Like the people I want to. Be with the people I want to. Do whatever I want to do without being made to feel guilt in some form. I want to be free..and from this point on I am going to do as I like when I like...deal with it.

I cant wait to visit NY next week and see everyone..and have a Michael Jackson themed Halloween! great pictures to come! Im sad to leave the 85 degree perfect weather of LA but I will survive! Cross your fingers that I get work next week!